Saturday, September 27, 2008!
HandWritten on; 12:15 AM
the below post is abit insane. not meant to be offensive, im sorry. but life really sucks. (okay even life sucks sounds so mild)
SCHOOL HAS BEEN VERY, EXTREMEMLY DISAPPOINTING.
these two/three days have been hell, especially wed & thurs i was practically cursing at myself for the stupidity, lack of focus and concentration during the prelims. what am i doing to myself?!? i knew it could have been better, so much better. if only i was a bit more sane and clear headed. and one more thing, it is VERY EXTREMELY IRRITATING to hear people who do well and still complain, i mean, wtf. what do you want me to say. okaaay, i know we're probably all born to be humble. but stillllllll, it will kinda be greatly appreciated if these people just compare themselves to others. to the people beside them. to the PERSON WHO THEY'RE COMPLAINING TO, WHO HAPPENS TO BE ME. and think, what will i feel? i dontknow, its not actually anything to be pissed about, it has just got to do with the state of things these few days, i can practically kill myself. i mean, want to complain, go to the top in level or something.
!@#$%^&*()_ LIFE SUCKS SO BAD. MOTIVATION COME BACK.
it takes alot of energy to sit in a lecture hall and take back scripts with your handwriting, with your thoughts, with everything you manage to write and churn out, do your best, with hope in your heart, in that extremely short one/two hours, and see horrible grades on them. like they're ridiculing you, for all the time you spent studying, for all the effort you spent trying to improve. like telling you you're either a fool or just so stupid you couldnt get it after all the effort. and imagine. just imagine, you have a friend (or friends) beside you. they do so well surpassing you in every possible aspect. and they go, "oh my gooood wtfwtfwtf how can i do so badly i hate myself......." and you have to force out or manage a smile, doesnt matter if its a weak one, and try to comfort them, encourage them, while ignoring the fact that you did SO MUCH WORSE and if they hate themselves, they're probably trying to indicate to you that you should probably kill yourself. i feel like a joke.
it really takes alot.
i kinda will think twice about believing in people now.
i feel so drained.
i am really very, very, very tired.